"Will I Make It or Not?" – My Personal Bible

 

So hello again...

Just dropping in to get rid of my silly thoughts.
Every day, I get motivated.
Every day, I get demotivated.

I keep searching for my existence—Who am I? And if I truly exist, why?
Do I have a goal? If yes, then what is it? I don’t even know.

There’s always a cluster of thoughts popping in my head. One moment, I think, “Yes, I will achieve my dreams.” And the next moment, my inner voice goes, “But what if I ..you know what i mean ?”

Every day, I try to deal with these thoughts. Sometimes, I win. Sometimes, they win.

I think about discussing all this with someone... but then a voice pops up in my mind —
"Oh but who? Who would even understand this stupid mess?"
And then I respond to myself —
"Yes, you're right... I mean, I’m right."

You see, I’m that kind of person who, after sharing his thoughts, jumps from motivated to demotivated —
Snapdragon to Quad Core in one emotional crash.

That’s why I picked up this new shocker .
Surprisingly, it helps. It gives me a strange kind of relief.
And the moment I started writing —
Boom. There it is.
A smile. A little peace.
Wah! Found it while writing!

So today, I don’t have anything specific to say.
Maybe I’ll just talk about myself. To myself.
Yeah, I know... comedy, right?

College is about to end. And some of my friends suggested I should go for post-grad or try a few other options.
Yeah guys, I even have friends — shocking, right? But it’s true. Anyway...

I’m just a guy from a small village — antisocial, non-gregarious, someone who doesn’t talk much but still tries to stay happy…
and tries damn hard to keep others happy too.
Yeah, this type of "stupid" also exists.

Right now, I have just one goal — to become financially stable.
Not just for myself, but for my family too.

And at home? The pressure is real. But it’s not the loud kind. It’s quiet.
Indirect pressure. And believe me — indirect pressure is worse than direct shouting.

Eg-You could be studying late at night, eyes burning, soul drained. But the next morning, your parents won’t say, “You studied hard.”
They’ll say, “Why didn’t you wake up early? Successful people rise early.”

Or let’s say something unfortunate happens — you fall, get hurt —
They know it wasn’t your fault...
But still, they’ll say, “You’re so careless. This always happens with you.”

Then they’ll compare.
“Look at that boy… he’s doing so well.”

And you? You just stay quiet. Again.

It builds.
Layer by layer.
Till one day, you feel like bursting.
But still... you say nothing.

So here I am — stuck between dreams, duty, and dead-ends.
And yet... I try.
I try because there’s no other choice.

And maybe this one year — just maybe — could be my turning point.

This will be my daily Bible.
My therapy.
My truth.

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Quote of the Day: Yea I also do 

"Some days, you don’t find peace in the world. You find it in a blank page."